I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
