hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Randomize