I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
