Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
