Will you blow on my dice?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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