i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
