This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
