i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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