It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
