you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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