WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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