he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
this hospital has no fireball
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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