I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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