Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I still have a little drunk in my system
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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