You can't motorboat a personality
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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