WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
