can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Redeem this text for a blowjob
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
