Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
