just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
