He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
