You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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