i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
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