just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize