i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
they need to just BURY HIM!
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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