im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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