Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
