Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
