Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
