She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
