oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
