Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
