sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
