Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
