you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
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