Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
