I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
