I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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