if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
