Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Randomize
