It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
