Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Randomize
