this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Randomize
