i just wanna soil my oats bro
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
