Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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