Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
