And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize