either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
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