My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
