One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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