all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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