John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
you traded sex for a burrito?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Randomize
