don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
