Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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