omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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