I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
