the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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