i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
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