so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
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