never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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