They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
