Someone shit on the floor
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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