and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
