Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
