There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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