You smell like stripper and shame
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize