I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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