Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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