so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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