Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize